Sunday - Nov 9

Hi everyone - thanks for hanging in there with us and checking up on the blog now that it is not being done so often. Rick and I got home late on Wednesday, Nov 5 and it was so good after 10 weeks (minus 3 days for me). For the last 3 days, it has been catching up on gardening, cleaning cabins and putting up all of the stuff we have accumulated, had sent from Albuquerque, Dustin's stuff from Orlando and then a partial load of things from my mother's house. We are bursting at the seams and I need days to clean out and rearrange.

Home has felt like heaven to me and not being around every breath (or not breath!) has been a relief I did not know I even needed. When you are in the hospital with your focus on every little issue, it becomes way too much. Being home has given me me some breathing room, although you miss some detail of how Dustin is actually doing.

I drove up to Augusta today and it was a beautiful and quiet ride for me. It takes about 3 hours so I listened to some great music, played a teaching tape from the church we attend when we go to Colorado that was really good and talked to close friends on the phone.

When I got to the VA, Dustin was very upset and they were getting ready to call me. He thought that we were never coming back to see him and that maybe I had died. It was heartwrenching knowing fears like fear of abandonment etc that can get a foothold in someone's life. We had a wonderful 4 hours talking about many things. He asked about Forrest etc and I started from the beginning when he left our house in Georgia to the present day. We cried together and just really shared some quality time. He was very coherent for the most part but later in our visit seem to be hallucinating and still obsessing about not being able to breath (he actually was doing great!)

The nurse did inform me that last night he had another "breathing episode" - actually his oxygen levels become desaturated but bounced back today with his usual normal vent settings. He has had not temperature so I am praying they will begin to wean him off the vent. He hates the tube in his trach and it is very uncomfortable for him. He also hates the pain medicine as I think he knows it makes him hallucinate. We talked a lot about God and Jesus and reaching out to Him when he feels so alone.

Dustin was talking confidently today about his future in movies and writing but then lapses into the police are after him or they are trying to kill him etc. It is almost like a person with PTSD coming back from the war. I left him peaceful when visiting hours were over at 8pm. It is now 10pm and I just got a call from the nurse saying Dustin wanted to call. He is OK but know he is scared in many ways. My plan is to visit him on Sun and Mon and drive home around 1:30 so I don't have to drive in the dark. It is very hard to leave him when I know how scared he feels. His dad will be visiting on Fri-Sun and then we will visit the following week before we go to VA. Nerina and her family will be coming during the Thanksgiving week. I am so grateful he will be surrounded by family and loved ones. Dustin has such a deep love for Nerina and always smiles when we talk about her. His memory seems much better and for that I am grateful.

I am able to take this all a day at a time. For now, Rick and I will be going back to work in our shared job starting either tomorrow or Tues. Right now my big focus is on Dustin feeling loved, protected and secure in all that he is going through. If I have to do months in Augusta, I'll be here.

Please continue your prayers for all of us especially for Dustin's ability to get off the vent, for eating,for a sound mind and for amoving forward to getting home We all look forward to the day that all of this is just a great testimony.

We love you lots
mary pat