6 months later

I have been meaning to write at the request of others and after several days of inches of rain, I think it's time. You know I never really liked to write and even when I logged on it said I had done 100 posts. Think of that, an even 100 things to say after such a journey as Rick and I have been on. So I guess for 101 we'll try and catch you up.

I have a hard time believing it has already been 6 months since Dustin passed away. Sometimes it seems so surreal, like last year was this weird dream and it really didn't happen. All our kids go off to work or school or other things and you don't hear from them for ages it seems. But then I have to remind myself that it is real. Nerina and I were talking not too long ago and we both seemed to think Dustin might come walking in at any time. First of all you would have to know Dustin. He always did somewhat odd, interesting things and it might even be like him to come in and say something like, "well that was interesting- I played being a quad on a vent and having all these medical people and boy I have some things to write about for my next film or TV show.....but then again I come back and know that if God has paper and pen, he is up there writing about all the interesting things happening in heaven.

Our life continues on with farm animals, 2 new goats, our 2 dogs and Sandy our service dog who is now 10 months old. She is learning a lot in spite of us. I am certainly not the regimented trainer but she has gotten to go and do a lot of things and learns along the way. She is able to open drawers and cabinets, pull dogs shut, working on cutting on lights and many basics. She is a delight but some times a handful. I am glad she is a dog as I can put her in her kennel when
I 've had enough. She recently got to fly to Colorado and she did awesome on the plane even though it was packed and Rick and I were in a center and window seat. It seemed like she just kinda knew what to do and tucked her chubby body under the seat and sat there for 3 hours.

About one 3 weeks ago we had a memorial service for Dustin and Forrest at our church, Pleasant Valley. It was somewhat unusual as Pastor Anita opened up, I got to to play a lot of music that had really supported me and told the story of our year as I narrated about what each song had meant. I think it lasted about 90 minutes and we did it on a Wednesday afternoon after shutting down Be in Health. We hope it was an encouragement to all who have lost loved ones or just plain loss of what should have been a better life. The goal is we must move on and finish the race.

I'll share a bit about a bible study on grief that I did as a result of trying to figure out what pleases God in it all. I went first to the Old Testament and basically found that the mourning time was either 7 or 30 days. I then went to the New Testament thinking this is where I need to focus. Boy was I surprised. I really found almost nothing about sorrow or grieving or sadness.

What I did find was in:

Matt. 19:22 which showed that being sorrowful was unfruitful

John 16:1-6 showed that if we don't understand resurrection and eternal life that we will be sorrowful

1Thes 4:13-14 (my favorite) that if we are ignorant concerning death, that we will not have hope and be sorrowful (the world's way)

Is 25:7-8 that the Lord will wipe away all tears and have victory over death

Jn 16:20 - that our sorrow will turn to joy

Matt - in the Beatitudes = "Blessed be those that mourn for they shall be comforted"

That was a really neat one because when you look up mourn it means to grieve but comes from a root word "to be strengthened". At Be in Health we teach about ungodly grief. This showed me that godly grief actually strengthens you. I learned this after a particular night where I had cried and really lamented to Rick about losing my sons. He comforted and prayed for me and the next day I felt great. When I studied this, I realized what had happened. You don't deny the feelings, you vent them, pray and the Lord carries you and strengthens you to go on.

The last scripture was in Luke where the disciples were walking and being so sorrowful because Jesus had died. Jesus had joined them on the road and His question to them was "Why are you so sad?" They were like "haven't you heard, Jesus has been crucified .... Why are we so sad at death Jesus was saying, when we get to live eternally with Him - how awesome do you think this is for Jesus to question any type of sadness after the type of death He had.

I have been comforted throughout the past 6 months. I have my moments, but I just try to allow God to use me as a reflection of Him. We have poured out energy and grief into helping others and you can look at the website for the results -

www.creativefootage.com

We are excited to be able to help others who are in wheelchairs, not only in Sanford FL, the house we had bought for Dustin) but also in one of our 1885 authentic log cabins. Rick is finishing the bathroom and it turned out great. We also had our favorite builder Roger and crew build 340 feet of ramp down to the lake. We are working on places to advertise it and are starting with the Paralyzed Veterans of America magazine as well as a few others. We really want others to enjoy having a "non intimidating place to stay.

My friend, Stacey has started on the book which we hope at some point will become a movie. She has worked on several chapters and she has really captured the heart of it. There have been several interviews with some key people and we hope that it will be an inspiration to many.

We want to be an open book to those who have experienced loss. Genesis 50:20 says what satan meant for harm, God can turn to good. We continue to ask Him as we patiently wait what we are to do with the season that we went through and those to come.

We hope everyone is doing well. We are looking forward to springtime!!

love and hugs to all
mary pat